Dear Lee sisters:

 my heart goes out to you and your family. she sure was a fighter and will be missed. <3

I need some haters

During my lifetime, I learned that people get inspired through pain and haters.

In the words of Katt Williams, "If you've got haters then you're doing something right".

So, by all means, bring on the hate!

loss

Today, we lost a legend.

pants on fire

I was recently contacted by someone's about their significant other. I haven't spoken to that person in ages and the things they were inquiring about has stirred quite a bit of curiosity in me. Has something happened to expose their significant other? I wonder what prompted his search for answers.

His situation struck a cord with me with a recent happening. When my relationships are made, I give them 100% trust and am 100% loyal. I keep mental notes of  things they do that are positive/negative. I'll keep the negative notes to myself. But when I catch them doing something such as lying, the house of cards begin to crumble. Trust goes out the window, and my mind starts to race and I begin to question their authenticity. Has the same thing happened to them? Anyways, in my case, I don't know if its even worth confronting them. They'll just probably tell me another lie to cover up for their previous lie.

Creative consitpation

Being a creative and with the lack of work coming in, I have been inspired to create in all facets. I have been dabbled with culinary arts for awhile now, and now I will challenge myself to bake again!

I was raised by Korean immigrant parents and I was born in the US. Growing up, there were a lot of fights that my mother could not understand. I guess the older generation was a breed of codependency. Where children pleased their parents and sought their parents' approval on everything: school, career, who they dated, marriage. Being obedient is what defined a "good son/daughter". Me on other hand did nothing previously mentioned. By her definition, I was the "bad daughter". After years of screaming and door slamming, I explained to her that we had a culture clash and we were brought up in different realities. I told her that this was my life and I was going to live it MY WAY. I don't think she understands the whole codependency issue because she still says "you used to be such a good child. I don't know what happened". I may not a "good child" by her definition but I sure am a happy independent child.

strange how six years have passed and still the pain is just as real today as it was then. all it takes is just one trigger to unleash the flurry of vulnerability and fear to paralyze me. the only thing that comforts me is knowing what i didn't know then; i don't always have to be strong and it is ok to be vulnerable.

the conflict i am now faced with is the juliet that was created six years ago promised to never be vulnerable, to always be strong, and not to rely on anyone. as i'm coming closer to sharing my life with another person, the old mold isn't fitting into this part of my life. its petrifying to lose control and the way of living safe. to that i say it is ok.  

carpe diem