I know that everyone walks around w. some deal of pain. Scars that accumulated throughout your life that just never fully healed. You bury them and shut yourself off from feeling anything that brings you back to that dark time. You spend a great deal of time distracting yourself. You go into denial believing that you're ok and ignore it, but you are in constant pain. Some days are better than others. On a good day, you can handle stressing situations w. ease.. like a piece of cake and it just solidifies your belief that everything is ok. On a bad day, the slightest pain or discomfort causes you to just come undone. You find yourself saying and doing things that the better day version of you wouldn't do. Your anger doesn't fit the situation and you desire to cause others pain. You justify the pain you feel, to hurt others. Once you become lucid again, you realize that it wasn't the situation at hand. If you look closer, its connected to that thing you buried. You look back and hopefully, you acknowledge all the destruction and pain you've caused to those who love and care about you the most. Its heartbreaking to know that the ones you always hurt are the ones who love you. You fear beling alone but you, alone, are the driving force that keeps people away. You become a self fulfilling prophecy.
My personal work didn't make me perfect. It made me compassionate. It taught me that people are still good. Just sometimes their emotions get the best of them and make them do bad things. They didn't do this TO me, they just temporarily checked out. So, I get it. You're not a bad person. I'm not judging you. I wish you healing, so you may be loved like you deserve.
I believe if you don't heal your pain, you'll never stop bleeding and continue to hurt others.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
From AdFreak:
"This year's most offensive MLK Day sale ad
By David Kiefaber on Jan 20 2011
Where do you start with this one? A surf shop in Laguna Beach, Calif., is in trouble for this sale ad celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. Day earlier this week. So, which is most offensive—Photoshopping his face on to a surfer; offering a 20 percent discount on all black items in the store; or putting the headline "Respect" above this disaster? I know, tough call. "It's our slow time of the year, so we're always getting creative," the store's owner, Nick Cocores, says. A little less creativity would be appreciated next time, Nick."
This is why you pay for talent. You leave average folks to their vices and this is what you end up with. *smh
By David Kiefaber on Jan 20 2011
This is why you pay for talent. You leave average folks to their vices and this is what you end up with. *smh
Friday, January 7, 2011
My one and only reader demanded that I update.
I meant to write this before the years end but life happened and I haven't had a moment to myself until now. As I'm sitting here, a bit loopy from the pain killers for a burn from the hot iron, I feel like now is a good time to try to get my thoughts and feelings into complete sentences. So bear with me.
Some people reflect their last year around their birthdays, some reflect back at the end of the year. I am the latter. I can't get over what a whirl wind this year was. I was faced with so many unexpected situations and had to use whatever resources I had to get me through them and I think i did ok.
This past summer, after getting laid off again, I had to figure out what my options were. A blessing or a curse, I don't know, but I can't get myself to rely or depend on anyone. No one will take care of me but me and I refuse to be a burden on anyone else. During this time, I did a lot of soul searching and I'm not sure if it stems from trust or control issues but I just accepted it. With weeks passing and still no income, I had my mind set on moving out of the country to teach English in Korea. Why not? They pay for your apartment + an OK salary. With room paid for, I could save it to travel or use that towards my debt. I haven't been to Korea as an adult and thought "what a great opportunity".
Once agencies were picked out and when I could muster up the courage to tell each friend that I was leaving, I slowly began to say my hellos and goodbyes, and tried to detach myself from my life here in LA. The load of that was taking its toll on me and my my dearest best friend planned a BBQ on the beach for me with PLENTY of alcohol. Low and behold, my ex boyfriend was invited too. Seeing him brought back many good and bad times. There were residual feelings, but a relationship was not on my list of priorities. I don't know how but we got to talking. A few more weeks passed and I found myself putting Korea on hold and giving love a chance. Yes, money is important but love is just a little more important. I thought I'd be spending the new year over seas and here I am... I'm not sure how this will turn out but I am willing to find out.
Some people reflect their last year around their birthdays, some reflect back at the end of the year. I am the latter. I can't get over what a whirl wind this year was. I was faced with so many unexpected situations and had to use whatever resources I had to get me through them and I think i did ok.
This past summer, after getting laid off again, I had to figure out what my options were. A blessing or a curse, I don't know, but I can't get myself to rely or depend on anyone. No one will take care of me but me and I refuse to be a burden on anyone else. During this time, I did a lot of soul searching and I'm not sure if it stems from trust or control issues but I just accepted it. With weeks passing and still no income, I had my mind set on moving out of the country to teach English in Korea. Why not? They pay for your apartment + an OK salary. With room paid for, I could save it to travel or use that towards my debt. I haven't been to Korea as an adult and thought "what a great opportunity".
Once agencies were picked out and when I could muster up the courage to tell each friend that I was leaving, I slowly began to say my hellos and goodbyes, and tried to detach myself from my life here in LA. The load of that was taking its toll on me and my my dearest best friend planned a BBQ on the beach for me with PLENTY of alcohol. Low and behold, my ex boyfriend was invited too. Seeing him brought back many good and bad times. There were residual feelings, but a relationship was not on my list of priorities. I don't know how but we got to talking. A few more weeks passed and I found myself putting Korea on hold and giving love a chance. Yes, money is important but love is just a little more important. I thought I'd be spending the new year over seas and here I am... I'm not sure how this will turn out but I am willing to find out.
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