Honesty is the currency of love

After almost 2 bottles of wine and a pity parade later, I realized that nothing is promised to me. Everything is the way its supposed to be. But it doesn't mean its sitting well with me. I can't help but feel powerless and not in control of my life. Its not my fault people can't be upfront but instead, give you the run around. I appreciate honesty and the saying that "the truth will set you free" and I wish others did too.

I still question why I went to college. Why I put myself into an immense amount of debt, for what? I am not using what I have learned towards what I wanted to do in my life. Maybe design wasn't the path for me. Maybe I should have listened to my father and have gotten married instead. NOT!

Dear god-can you hear me? Can you give me a fucking break here? I'm not looking for a hand out. I just want to be given a chance to work hard b/c thats all I know. Throw me a bone.

*knudge knudge

Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

life lesson

Always trust your gut instincts.
The most horrible life experiences happened to me when I didn't trust my instincts. Its called the voice in your head, that visceral feeling, your guardian angel, you'll hear it just listen for it.

Always stay true to yourself.
Money and/or other people, will try to make you compromise it. I will never do that again. I don't care if I am demeaned as the "unsupportive" friend- I'm sorry I didn't support your drug problem. I just happened to know the difference between right/wrong and I believe that if you know better, you should do better. I must be a shitty friend- but I think I'll manage.


Never eat at the Charthouse in Malibu again.
The establishment decided to give us a gift for our 2 year anniversary, food poisoning. I only vomited in the planter outside our door and he had to go from both ends at the same time for 2 weeks.

Fact:

wikileaks.com- freedom of information

whats the big deal?

didn't you know?  

secrets are meant to be exposed.

intelligence not to be measured by accolades

A person who posses self control is able to manage their impulsive feelings and distressing emotions. I read somewhere that there is a link between self control and intelligence. Now thats a scary thought. How many people do you know that are able to maintain a level of self control? Not many. Lets be honest, we all know these people exist. Why is it that the smart and well educated turn out to be THE biggest babies?! (I can think of a few names off the top of my head and I used to work for them)

If you thought you could measure someone's intelligence by their accolades, think again.

I thank therapy and meditation classes for my much needed inner peace. I was in therapy for a few years due to anger issues=lack of control=heads on a stick. I had the people closest to me walking on egg shells. My moods were always on the extreme; extremely happy or extremely irritable, which lead to lashing out in rage. The slightest things set me off and after everything was said and done, I had to do damage control. My anger was the cause and the source of my lack of self control. In fact, I was pretty primitive; hungry=eat, sad=cry, angry=make people sorry. I even once dubbed myself "the punisher", as a sorry ass attempt to justify my anger. I realized my anger was the barrier between myself and the people I love. I am not perfect but I am happier and able to contain myself, if needed...kinda feeds off each other.